I’m not sure where to go. Should I try another story structure or just trust myself to try and add on randomly to what I already have until it all comes together?
I’m not sure, really. I don’t know at all.
Does it matter what I write? Is it enough that I write?
Can’t say. Don’t know. I’ve been writing all my life. It hasn’t accumulated to much other than notebooks and diaries and things that most people still haven’t seen.
What am I waiting for?
What do you mean waiting for? You’re writing right now.
Yes, but about what?
Does it have to be about anything?
I think that was my original question. Thanks.
Well, think of this. If you write it then you must have some desire to express it, no matter what it is. What others do and don’t see and in what format can be a decision for after it is written and you have slept. Unless, of course, you end up doing some spontaneous internet writing, in which case…spellcheck, spellcheck, spellcheck!
1 Hour Later…
What should I do?
I don’t know. Can you sleep yet?
I’m still typing.
That’s a no, then.
But I do seem to be slowing down. Taking more time to think.
That could just be that you’re more focussed on this one particular task. I don’t find anything wrong with that.
What if my fingers start to fumble?
Well, that’s just an excuse to focus more.
What if my eyes start to hurt?
Hmmm, you might be tired.
What am I going to do with this? And is it wise to keep talking to myself, splitting my voices down the middle?
Hah! Don’t talk as if you have only two!
That’s not the point. If you give a voice a voice, is it a stronger voice?
I guess you’ll just have to find out, like you do with everything else. In the mean time, I think you’ve just had an idea for a writing blog.
Do I really need another blog?
Well, you’re the one who keeps writing about different subjects, developing them into unique ideas and realizing that you can’t just jumble them all together, because people will rapidly lose interest that way.
I think I want a blue color scheme. A dark blue and a softer, lighter blue.
Sounds nice. And soothing.
So should I do it?
When you’re ready to work on it. Just go with it. Life is all about the fun of it and the “what the hell?” anyway.
I’m tired of being associated with fetish all the time.
Yeah, me too. I’m dirty and evil and all that sometimes, but only on my own time, when I feel up to it.
Time to just do what I love. To make my life all about what I love. And the fact is, I love to write.
I don’t think I can stop.
I feel better just by doing this bit. I can’t help it. My fingers need to move with my thoughts sometimes. If nothing else, just so I can wear myself down.
I wonder if it matters what I really say.
I no longer try to whip my writing into what can be considered most marketable, because that’s not the point of writing. The point of writing is expression. I intend to express exactly what I need to, exactly what eases the coiling anxiety in my gut.
People spend too much time ignoring the feelings in favor of what everyone else says they should feel. Why do you think there is so much anger, anxiety and depression in the world?
Never ignore the feelings. Talk them out. Or take time out to meditate over them. Write them down. Paint them. Work them out through strain.
Most of all, through joy.
It’s alright to write more than I can handle. Not everything has to manifest the way I think. Some things will, and it will be nice. Some things won’t, and I’ll learn to right myself anyway.
I’ll be dealing with a lot of old anger, soon, with a publication of a collection of my bad poetry on gender relations.
I need to write all this down, right?
Because I need new projects, right?
Except, they’re not new projects. They’re all connected, and they’ll all lead to something together.
I’ve actually started the projects related to these new ideas ages ago, when I first began writing, when I first began recording my stories or my thoughts or my structures. It’s all related, and something I’ve been unconsciously doing for years. Maybe I was meant to do it all along, but I might not have to worry as much about maintaining as I think, because I’ve been writing about these subjects I’m thinking of blogging about for years.
So where do I go from here?
To sleep, hopefully.
I’ve got 400 notes on my phone. I can’t begin to say how many I have in notebooks, or on my computer.
Maybe I should start a blog about the process of writing, writing tips and where people can go to learn more and where people can submit work, ect.
It aught to be interesting.
And then another one…maybe with a facebook page…called “all about happiness” or “happiness” or “living for happiness.”
That sounds like a lot of work.
Maybe, maybe not. I work hard all the time.
On 1000 different things.
Have you made progress?
A little on everything.
So a whole lot of nothing?
You’d be surprised how far I’ve come, especially with this new idea of self-fulfillment.
I hope you know how to advertise these new blogs better than the ones you have already.